Guest Post from L. Diane Wolfe
The Cycle Ends Now
By James Alan Sheppard
I will not remain a prisoner of my past.
I will not repeat the mistakes of my father.
I will not hurt those I love.
The cycle of abuse stops here…
I stare at those words as they lay scrawled across my notebook paper. They were written earlier today during my anger management class. I should’ve been paying attention, but I just couldn’t relate to those who were speaking. I feel so out of place there, but at this point, I don’t know what else to do.
I endured many years of emotional and physical abuse at the hands of my father. And now I’m terrified I’ll turn out just like him…
I hate living with that fear, too. It’s a tough burden to carry, especially alone. Seeing my father’s reflection in my mirror, hearing his angry voice in my own – fear just haunts me. Some days it feels like I am smothering. The sensation weighs down my heart and I often go days without smiling. I live trapped in a bad dream, only waking on rare occasions.
It’s difficult to hide my nightmare, especially from my closest friends. Bad enough they know my past and the pain I endured. God only knows their opinion of me if they knew my hidden anxiety, though. Those dark thoughts I share with no one. I should take comfort in the fact none of my friends ever expressed concern that I’d act like my father. Maybe they see something I don’t.
More than anything, I just want to erase the pain. Some days I feel so depressed, it almost angers me to see others enjoying their life. I want to be happy, too! Of course, I just feel like striking out at whoever crosses my path at that point, and that sensation scares me. If I could just forget my lonely childhood… I can’t carry this burden forever.
My father used words and fists to intimidate and exact compliance, but I don’t want that to be the extent of my communication with others. I don’t want my friends to fear me. That’s why I have to get a handle on this now, before I do something really, really stupid. I don’t like anger management, but it may be my only chance for a better life. And I’ve got to try.
So, I’m back to those words written during class. Cold and defiant, they are a challenge, and I can either cower in fear or stand up and defend myself. If I ever wanted to fight, now is the time. My past does not equal my future.
The cycle of abuse ends now…
Known as “Spunk On A Stick,” to her fans, the author is a member of the National Speakers Association. Her young adult series, The Circle of Friends, features morally grounded, positive stories that appeal to both teens and concerned parents. “Overcoming Obstacles With SPUNK! The Keys to Leadership & Goal-Setting”, ties all of Wolfe’s goal-setting and leadership seminar’s information together into one complete, enthusiastic package. Ten years associating with a motivation training system and her experience as a foster parent gave her the in-depth knowledge of relationships, personality traits and success principals. Wolfe travels the East Coast extensively for media interviews and speaking engagements, averaging over one hundred appearances each year. She maintains a dozen websites & blogs, manages an online writer’s group, and contribute articles for several other sites.
Book III online:
THE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS
BOOK III … JAMES
BY L. DIANE WOLFE
Haunted by a troubled past…
The future appears bright for James Sheppard. Emerging from a troubled childhood, he is blessed with talent and a good work ethic. Excelling in his classes and at the campus newspaper, James’s goal of editor appears within his grasp.
However, years of abuse and loneliness have dampened his spirit. By the time Maria enters his world, James is nearing the breaking point. Her innocent love slowly fills the void in his life, boosting his confidence and giving him hope.
When a crisis abruptly forces him into adulthood, James is saddled with more responsibility than expected. Struggling to cope with the situation, the past returns to haunt him. Will James find peace before the mistakes of his father destroy him completely?
Release date: August 18, 2009, Dancing Lemur Press, L.L.C.
$19.95 USA, 6×9 Trade paperback, 296 pages, Fiction/YA
ISBN 978-0-9816210-3-6 / 0-9816210-3-1
Book III Online Reviews:
“This book is very motivating and inspiring! This just tells you how much someone is willing to go for the best in his or her life!! There are so many twists and turns and it can teach you how far you would be willing to go to have the perfect moment.”